33!
Things feel, in life right now, as if they’re coalescing into some kind of clearer notion of what I want to be doing.
It’s become clear that the last few years have been a slow move towards something. That is clear because I am quite aware that four years ago, having left a job very tied to my identity, things were not clear at all.
I am better for it. These four years have challenging in ways that lead me to believe that I am near to some kind of work that I’d like to be thinking on and doing each day.
This sense I have is about work. Though it’s not clear that will mean changing jobs, I seem to be circling around a thing to grab on to that I can call my work. Most likely, it’s something to do with writing and thinking around culture and media.
That’s my prediction.
The great challenge of this is that my attention has been completely fried by the very thing I’m interested in spending more time thinking about, talking about, and writing about. Isn’t that the way it goes! The light gives way to the shadow, the sun moves and the light comes back.
To name this gives me a certain responsibility to go after it; to bring it closer, more into focus. It would be a shame, otherwise.
This is my Jesus year. Perhaps Jesus wasn’t born in 1 AD and didn’t die in 33 AD; perhaps the dates are truly unknown. But, the narrative I’ll take: the 33rd year means something!
Could one live, honestly and with great attention, as if one could do something interesting and profound for a whole year?
Yes! But one would need to take great strides to narrow things – to “drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms” as Thoreau said – and then do something about it all!
“Dilute! Dilute! Ok!” as Dr. Bronner would say. One can do a lot with a little, but one must focus to find the little that one is to do a lot with. It doesn’t take much, but it does take great attention.
Well, there it is. The Jesus year is before me. I have a hunch that I’m circling something. I’m joyful. I hope I am grateful enough for all that I have, though certainly I miss it often. I’m in love! With Sadie, with the kids, with our life and our friends. Surrounded by all good things.
“Let’s get out there an takes some cuts!” as my friend Daniel would say.